Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
