I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
