Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
soo... how was my night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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