I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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