i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
