i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
