So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
