shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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