When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
