im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
