well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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