i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
