I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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