I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
