Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
