Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
