Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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