I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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