I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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