Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
