Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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