i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
