How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
farters have to be the big spoon...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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