i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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