I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
