You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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