if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
