and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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