he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
