she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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