Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
