i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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