Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
