I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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