Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
wow bdsm is so cute
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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