There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
