I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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