Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
