I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
