Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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