He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
