a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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