Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
