how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
