it wasn't lemon gatorade
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
