you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
