Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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