Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
