WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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