the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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