When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He called his prostate his "boner button".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
