that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
