Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
